Dear Santa
I have been a really good boy this year so I should get lots and lots of presents. I only stole from the cookie jar once. Noah said you are not real but he’s just silly. Tell your reindeer to poop on his roof to show him you are real. Now to get down to business. I would like a very pretty unicorn but I want a real one this year not a poopy fake one. I would also like a magical rainbow ferry special edition. Well while you are at it I would also like Chinese Democracy the new Guns and Roses CD. Maybe you could listen to it in your magical slay while you are flying it over to my house. I will bake you extra special cookies all by myself this year. I forget do you like peanut butter flavored cookies? This year I am also going to make some extra special cool aide for you because you must get really tired of milk. I think you should give Noah lots coal and spaghetti noodles this year because he has been very naughty and he also does not believe in you. I think you should get Jeremiah a unicorn too so we can be unicorn buddies without Noah. Oh and I want my unicorn to be able to fly like your reindeer. I also want it to be like a ferocious lion so it can protect me from meanies and so we can go hunt kangaroos together. Talk to you later.
Love,
Jacob
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